How do we Move On from Love?

Camiguin Sunset January 2015

"Love comes to us on times when we least expect it" - we get to hear this a lot but who can ever deny this fact? No matter how we shield our hearts and stay away from cupid's arrows, there's always that chance that it will hit a bulls eye right at the very center. But once all the love and care and concern starts to fail, how do we get to move on from it? Or worse, do we really move on from such love?

We can never tell that a love is true, unless we have something to compare it with. A past relationship or sometimes, through an experience by a friend or somebody close to us. Experiences really do play a big part on how we become wise not just with other aspects in life but also in love, especially in love. Saddest thing is, most of the time, love can only be proven true once it is ending. When it's over, the hurt isn't just emotional, you can even feel it physically with your body feeling different as it normally should. The big question is, how do get away from the hurt?

There's nothing much you can do to than to let it pass. As cliche as it may sound, aside from prayers, only time can do the healing. There are situations that can make moving on easier, but after all, nothing is easy when it comes to love. Love is something we don't impose and losing love and taking it out of your system is also a process that one can never truly master. But here's a few things that might help:

Distance

One of the most helpful thing is to distance yourself with your past love. Distance makes us realize a lot of things that will never touch our minds when we are near our used-to-be-special-someone. Through their absence, you'll realize how much of yourself you have provided to him, how much time and care and effort you have selflessly given to her, and yes, also through distance, you'll find yourself longing for that attachment you once had with that person. Distance can either make you or break you; thus you have to be strong. 

On the other hand, some others can never get this 'distance' thing going on a place where life left them as they part ways. This happens when you are in the same class with your ex-girlfriend, or you work at the same company with your ex-boyfriend, believe me, this is unimaginable. Seeing him or her every single day makes moving on way harder. There will be days that you just hate seeing them or even the slightest hint of their voice will irritate your hearing. And days will also come where you long for their company, their scent, their stare, their love.

Finding Your Next Love

Depending on the level of moving on that you are in when you decide to "bring on the next", searching for your next Mister Right or Dream Girl can both be good and bad at the same time. Besides, we enter a relationship hoping to find someone that will be our last. We don't usually enter a relationship just to have somebody 'for the mean time' but to have somebody to love for the rest of our lives. The thing is, if we are not yet ready as we do our search, the next one could just end up as a rebound.

Rebound relationships doesn't end up bad at all times, because there are accounts when the rebound turns out to be 'The One'. But always think selflessly. What if you found out that you are just a rebound? Someone who is just being used as a shield against an ex-lover, an ex-lover who is still the apple of their eye. It will hurt so much wouldn't it? So make sure you are ready and have moved on before you enter another relationship, Karma is a big bad bitch so better be on the good side of it.

Acceptance

Accept that you have loved. Accept that no matter if you were loved or not, you did love, you did exert time, effort, and most of all, feelings. Things that can never be taken back. What's hard is that when we love truly, it really never goes, it just diminishes or weakens, but it never fades completely even through time. We should accept the fact that the hurt will always be there but we can use it to make things better, to make the next relationship stronger.

Also, never regret ever loving. Because when you look back, it did made you happy, it did give you unexplained joy, we just don't know if the other person felt that way too.

Closure

This is probably one of the biggest 'gifts' one from a failing relationship can get. As much as we admit it or not, closure is very important. Why did it fail? Can it still be fixed? If not, can at least friendship be regained? Or if not again, will there be anything that can be taken from it that will give both parties peace of mind? Closure is the biggest ingredient in the recipe to bake the delicious moving-on pie. It gives you peace, serenity, and just the answers to all your questions why it all fell out.

Did he ever love me? Was she ever true to me in the first place? Was everything I did for him, worth even a little bit of something? As long as our minds are clouded by all these questions, moving on is a few million light years away. But the sad thing about this is the fact that not every ending relationship receives closure. As to any partnership, there's always one that gives more and another that gives less and unfortunately, closure can be one of the things deprived by someone to somebody.

Closure is very important especially for people who haven't love so much in their lives. Those that have guarded their heart for a long time and suddenly find themselves face to face with their first love, their one-true-love (at the moment) and also seeing it fade from sight at their very eyes. Just when everyone their age is starting to build homes and families, some people are just starting to get to know their first love. Sometimes, life gives love to a person a little late and that's when it's most crushing. The feeling that any time of the day, the bolts on your mind will just loosen. The false relativity that their fresh and immature minds think that an ending relationship equates to a relationship that has no love after all. This is wrong, well most of the time, because sometimes, some people are just afraid of the elements, contained on a certain situation, that they can't simply express how much they love a person.

Honestly, there are times that even as you look back all the love, you will still question it all in the end because closure is a big way to express appreciation and to show that even if the relationship, or for some cases, the would-have-been-relationship failed, everything that happened was real. Every feeling felt, every smile shown, every time shared, every text message, every video call, every funny joke, every thought - Closure affirms and makes you accept that despite the ending, everything that happened was all worth it, that everything was real. Even if your efforts weren't given a 'Thank You'. Even if your kindness and thoughts didn't seem to be appreciated. Even if the closest answer to your 'I Love You' was 'Maybe' and never an 'I Love You Too'.

***

To you who's been lucky enough to be somebody's first love, take care of it. You have no idea how hard it is for somebody to finally open up their locked heart, and give their all to somebody for the very first time. You don't have to feel the same way if you really don't. But please, at least give importance to that love so pure, so innocent, so immature. You may not be his or her last love, but at least you can make him or her a better person not by breaking them, but by being a great person that someone will remember forever with a smile. His or her next love story will always depend on the kind of movie you will be starring in for them. Never forget that this might be your fourth, fifth, or tenth feature film-for him, it's his very first. First love, first heartache, first heartbreak. Finally, as much as you can, please don't hurt him.

In the End, How do we totally move on from a love? We never really do...

Never Stop Loving!

Steve

This post is my entry for this week's "Our World Tuesday" where family-friendly bloggers share images of their world and tell us a little bit of the story about the place. If you wish to see more amazing stories from different parts of the world and do a virtual tour from their side of town, Click on THIS LINK