September 20, 2022
Vacation Week
August 25, 2022
Een dag in de droom
August 22, 2022
Battling Rumination
Have you ever felt like you cannot shut your mind off of work even after you shut down your computer at the end of the shift? They actually have a term for this, ruminating. I know this is normal for people who are new to a position or work. But sometimes, I just feel like it's really tiring and whenever I look at the root cause of my worries and constant thought of work, it's always down to simple tasks or sometimes, nothing really at all - I just really feel anxious.
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It's a hard feeling to get by but I do remember I did feel this even as early as college freshman year when I attended University after attending just one school from Kindergarten to High School. It was hard and I really wanted to shift to another course and quit - but I did not. Then during my first time to work in the corporate world. I thought is it really for me, during the first few months, it was so hard for me. Even if I received awards while having a hard time on my mind, I still struggled with my thoughts. I remember my former manager giving me a talk on how he will allow me to resign just let him give me another month and see what I'll feel after - and yes, I did not resign more to it I'm still in the same company 6 years after.
Now I struggle again despite my senior telling me he has seen improvement on me in my first two months and even as I check my tasks and backlogs, I constantly see how I was able to perform the tasks that I originally felt scared if I can even do it before. But despite all of that, I am again in a constant battle with my own mind scaring myself of these new things, unknown concepts, things that can be learned.
I know it is normal to be overwhelmed by new things - a new job, new lifestyle change, new workmates. But in my case, I know my mind is responsible for making those overwhelming thoughts be maximized, or as I read it, catastrophizing these fears. I have been blessed with this new position I prayed so hard for because I had no expectations I'd get it, only big hopes. Nobody said it would be easy, but now that it gets hard and new and scary - I constantly think of quitting - but whenever I look back, I already had a lot of episodes of wanting to quit, but never I resorted to quitting.
I can do this. All the efforts and trust of my new manager and director just to have me on their team, and even efforts of my former manager to constantly motivate me even if that meant leaving her team - I don't want those to go to waste. Not to mention the amazing training given by my senior, and my new teammate who I consider like a brother, is very supportive and helpful to me and constantly makes me feel he's there, I'll do my best to channel those motivations and load those in my mind to battle the constant whispers telling me that I should feel scared.
It is scary, new things - but we always get by. I know everything takes time and I shouldn't be hard on myself by thinking it already 3 months yet I'm still feeling these anxiety. In time, with prayer, efforts, and help from people - I'll get by - I'll succeed.
As I end this post, I just wat to thank each and every person who believed and continue to root for me. I constantly do my best and drive myself from within as much as I can, but it's their encouragements that keeps me going the most. that includes you, my blog friends who never left even if I went gone for quite some time.
August 12, 2022
Brand New Adventure

Bukidnon, Philippines - July 2022
January 31, 2022
My Home Office Corner